mariiheartsyooh

    She sat in the corner of the room, her shoulders hunched, hugging herself. Who else was there to hug her? To comfort her? Who loved her?    She couldn’t answer.    These questions filling her mind caused her to get up abruptly, with the intention of walking somewhere, letting off some steam, only to slump back to the floor again, landing in almost the exact same position she had been in. She cradled the nearly empty bottle of vodka to her chest, wondering why? What had she done to deserve this? What had she done wrong, to be left so unloved and alone?    She needed to get out of her own mind, but the vodka hadn’t done tha

without toxins, or pollution, thick smoke sticking to my throat, the smell of green at 7.am, the air is cold and harsh. this is the drunken reality of being sober, the agonizing, biting reality of feeling the wind, shaking me, as though angry, as though something is not quite right. but what...? that my system is clean...? that i don't want it to be...? howling, begging for relief, the wind bites my naked ankles, reminding me of the icy chill inside, with no mercy. maybe i don't make sense, maybe i want to live in the dark, maybe i want to go back to the lie i once based my life upon. consumed by the grief i am unable to e

my skin feels the blade, his heart feels the pain, ii'm sorii. with my blood~stained knife, ii'm taking his life, and ii'm sorii. tears staining my cheeks, arms scarring for weeks, for that, ii'm sorii. the pain that ii'm feeling, is nothing to the hurt that he's stealing, and for that, oh god ii'm so sorii. the only cuts that aren't healing, are the one's he's now feeling, because of me, and ii'm sorii. ii wake him when ii can't sleep, he worries when ii can't eat, ii didn't mean to do this. my wounds are my problems, && yooh don't have to solve them, ii'm sorii that yooh feel this way. puts his hands on my hips, touche

screaming for something that's missing - screaming, but they won't listen. save me before i hurt myself, ii'm crying out to you for help. take my hand && show me how, or have we lost all hope now? this addiction is slowly killing me, ii'm nothing like ii used to be. reach for the nearest blade ii see, then hold my breath && count to three. feel cold metal touch my skin, the beautiful pain as it sinks in. bleeding on the bathroom floor, 'cos they're not listening anymore. screaming for something that's missing, screaming, but they won't listen.

they think they can tell her what to do, they think that they can control her; but they don't know her like we do, && somehow they don't own her. she's not your slave, she's not yours to keep; yet you've driven her to tears - she weeps. she's in control of body and mind, whether you like it or not; and although you've left her far behind, she's not alone. she's on her knees, the pain caused from days of pure starvation; her mind - blank - her body failing, but that's okay. because she did this to herself, and she is in complete control; she did this, she achieved this, and now she is in complete control.

my heart is full of sorrow; my head is full of hate; my thoughts are filled with getting away. far away from these people. to a place where ii can be on my own, to add to the 50 or more scars on my left forearm. scars that speak of self inflicted wounds. wounds causing bittersweet pain that brings floods of relief; leaving deep cuts ii know ii'll regret in the morning. but ii don't care. ii'm far too caught up to care. biting my lip, to stop tears from spilling; closing my eyes, because ii don't want to see them. and even though ii am not thinking clearly, ii know that all ii want, all ii need, all ii desperately, painfully

blood! pain! death! oh god ii'm soooo alonee!! ii can't tell anyone that every breath ii take feels like a dagger is tearing through my soul!! ii can't tell them how it feel to have a thousand bolts of lightning run through my body with every beat of my empty heart!! ii'm just so, so lonely!! the pain!! *cry* ii think ii'll sit in the corner && weep now... yeah that seems like a gurd idea! oooh poetry! yes! ii ache all over! they'll never understand me... no body cares... ii should just slit my throat... it's not like anyone would even notice... fuck ii seriously need a fag right now... but wtf is the point! they tell me not

i look down, trace your name carved upon my arm. a lonely tear runs down my cheek, because i see the scar is fading. all i wanted was to hold on to the memory. it's bittersweet; i know; the pain~drenched relief i felt, because i couldn't let this go. at first a crimson gash, causing hurt, just like you did; now just an empty mark, barely visible, the way you made me feel. i wipe my eyes, and with a knife, carve your name upon my arm. my face becoming a canopy of tears, as i begin to feel the burning. desperately clinging to the memory. it's bittersweet; i know. the pain~drenched relief i feel, the pain that's all i know. a so

you. you with your beauty, you with your grace; you with your porcelain face; but there are fractures in the facade. you. you with your 'love,' you with your lies; you with your deceptions and your disguise; but there are complications in your charade. && ii would blindly let yooh guide me, across darkened lands; && ii'd do anything to save yooh, that's why ii don't understand. when ii'm drowning in your beauty, && ii'm captured by your grace, why is there only laughter across your porcelain face?

you're so beautiful, && ii'm so afraid, you're so vulnerable, but yooh don't know it... you're so wonderful, && ii'm just a shadow in the shade, &&you're so vulnerable, but yooh don't show it... && ii still love yooh, just as much as ii always did; && yooh are still my inspiration... && ii still need yooh, just as much as ii always did; && ii am still in admiration... && ii still cry at night sometimes, 50 thousand tears; for yooh. && ii still feel dead inside sometimes, even after all these years... it's yooh. && now ii'm torn between your lies && your letters, && ii don't understand who yooh are; yooh are torn up && sh